Do you ever feel like the pantomime villain? Or feel as though this is how others perceive you? Are you often angry with those around you or feel hard-done-by due to their behaviour and reactions?
If you find yourself frequently in conflict and wondering what you’ve done wrong or why you’re being avoided or ignored, this article can help.
Why does everyone back away from me?
Feeling isolated, ostracized and judged by others can be challenging. You may even react to this perception by becoming angry, withdrawn or blaming others for their unfair treatment of you. Some common scenarios you might face include:
- Having too few friends at work / university and perhaps feeling isolated from the friendship groups.
- Frequent conflicts in your romantic relationships / struggling to maintain long term relationships with people.
- A general dislike of your family unit and extended family, often feeling they are out to get you.
- Feeling no matter how much effort you put in, nothing seems to get any better. The more you try, the more people seem to avoid you.
- Sensing that people are talking behind your back or laughing at you.
I can imagine that any one of those scenarios could be difficult to manage alone. This is where I can help.
In therapy, we understand that relationships are complicated and ever-shifting. One aspect we like to explore is something called ‘The Drama Triangle‘, which assists us in unpicking the tightly woven dynamics within your interpersonal relationships – including the relationship you have with yourself.
The drama triangle – the persecutor role
The drama triangle was a term first derived in 1968 by Dr. Stephen Karpman. It is the theory that, in any relationship dynamic, you play one of three roles – the persecutor, the victim or the rescuer. You can shift between roles, sometimes rapidly, and even assign roles to others. Staying within these roles means never truly resolving a conflict. To gain a more comprehensive understanding of the drama triangle, click here.
The role we’d like to focus on here is the persecutor role.
People who are often in the persecutor role might display black and white thinking. In this sense, people are either good or bad / with them or against them. Sometimes this is known as splitting, which you can read more about here.
People in the persecutor role believe they are in the right, while everyone else is in the wrong. From this role, they place a lot of blame onto others for any problems arising. Others will be criticised, games will be played, faults found, guilt brought forward or even manipulation. The role’s lack of accountability and personal responsibility in this role makes it hard to resolve a conflict. It also makes it harder for those around the persecutor to relax, enjoy their company or feel connected because one is almost always placed into one of the other drama triangle roles – victim or rescuer.
So, if you find yourself experiencing some of the scenarios described earlier (frequently avoided by others, hard done by, always in conflict) it could be because you are struggling to shift away from the persecutor role and take ownership of your actions.
Stepping beyond the persecutor
All human beings are imperfect, including you. By exploring your inner self, including challenging experiences and emotions that may have led you to naturally fall into the persecutor role, you can shift away from this position and move into a healthier, happier place. You might find that, by doing this, your relationships with others improve and you develop a better relationship with yourself also.
Getting the support you need
We can also go for a walk.
Whichever help and support you need, my pledge to you is consistent.
Book a free 15 minute conversation, which is all you need to begin your journey. We will talk about where you are now, where you want to be, and how I can help you get there.